Life In A Mirror

Snow hides the glare of summer
Provides a place to hide
From the prying eyes of life
And the anguish so hard to abide

But the phantom drifts all melt away
By the blazing sun of the world real
And the blizzard haze proves to not obscure
Nor dull those things you wish not to feel

The silence becomes a friend
A warmness to the mind, a soothing song
An embrace through the night
A peace for which you long

Dark turns into an eternity
Stretching, haunting, with no rest
Thoughts race faster than in day’s light
With no sound to interrupt this nightly test

Elation, euphoria, pureness of joy
You can take on the world and make it yours
Your own to control, to have, to hold
Mountains, people, air, water and shores

But you can have none of it
It is only fiction, a myth, an illusion
The dream explodes, hammers your soul
And reveals itself as nothing but delusion

You find your self in the reality of others
Slow, stable, a well respected, steady pace
You can do this, what they tell you is right
This is how to pursue life, to win the chase

There is no hope, no future, no goals
You simply exist, try to survive the despair
You do as others say, with every ounce of strength
But the truth is you just really no longer care

The joy of helping others drives you
The one great purpose of life
To guide, to aid, to hold a hand in love
Shepherd through the hurdles and strife

But when will they appreciate your sacrifice
When will they recognize and thank your effort
Will you ever be afforded a turn in kind
Where and when do you get support

The medicines help to calm, to ease the swings
To level your mind and ease the pains
Talking and breathing techniques to relax
Slowly helps give progress and gains

It also brings fears of loss of control
Fear of losing track of who you want to be
We are not puppets, not someone else’s to mold
We want to control ourselves, to feel, to see



We did not ask for this, often we lose control
Quit acting like it is our fault, we are not to blame
They might mean well with their words
But sometimes they seem to think this a game

It is hard to explain to others
These are not just highs and lows
To those who have not experienced
This form of life’s mental blows.

Illness? I suppose.
Condition? Sure.
It is something far more though,
Sometimes a curse,
Sometimes an adventure,
A loss of control,
A loss of far more,
But it is also who I am.