My New Best Friend

I got an E-mail yesterday
For a prince from far away
Just needed a little help
So now I am gonna be rich
That’s what he had to say

Got that phone call again last night
From that voice that sounds so light
She really likes me so very much
That she calls six times each week
Just to make sure my warranty is right

How I miss a human touch
A friendly hand to clutch
But I have new people around
Only worried about finances sound
Afraid on my loans I pay too much

I got an E-mail from my new best friend
She gets a little personal in what she sends
I don’t remember telling her about my meds
Sometimes she confuses what I need
But it is so good to have a friend

So I wait once more for the phone to ring
Hoping what the next call might bring
Maybe a lighter call
As I sit in the hall
And talk to my new best friend again.


G - June 2009

I am

I am
A person meant only to serve
One who gives all that is asked
Seems never to come out ahead
A nothing all feelings masked

I am
One without merit even to be
Being with an existence uncounted
One who is tossed aside without thought
With every effort only discounted

I am
A mere after thought at best
An invader in the world of others
But out of place in this existence
Outcast on the path that smothers

I am
A trivial toy to fill idle time
A placeholder to fill a void
Of so little value one need not
Even look back or be annoyed

I am
What I have always been
Knowing what is my task
Not expect or receive
Only do what is asked
Such as I am


G - April 2009

Wind Whips

Wind whips at the parched earth
Bones scattered on the ground
Barren as far as the eye could see
If the were anyone to look around

This was once a land of promise
There was a time of living dreams
But now that hope is cast aside
Existence as lifeless as if seems

Drained of a future meant to be
Appointed destination turned to lie
Abandoned to the vultures of life
No thoughts of even answering why




As the wind whips
At the bones scattered
One more life
That never mattered


G-June 2009

Bird from the tree

Bird falls from the tree
Abandoned never to see
Not another day alive
No chance to survive
Did it fall by accident
Or mercy heaven sent
Was it never meant to be
Little one from the tree

Picked up gently without hope
Too young for a chance to cope
Just another one thrown away
Life without any choice or say
Without a home, without a nest
Someone else decide for best
While for meaning others grope
Often without the slightest hope

Bird falls from the tree
One more not meant to be
But at least a spirit free
Little bird from the tree

G - June 2009

It is what it is

It is what it is
That is but life
There is no fault
It just is what it is

Love comes and goes
Just as the breath
Things to last forever
Are gone in a flash

A promise for all time
Nothing will ever stop it
Words etched in stone
Washed away by a breeze

Destiny written in the stars
Carved deep into the heart
Ingrained into the heart
Forgotten as mere idle thought

Fate was but a fraud
Miracle of meeting only a blink
Mated souls but a passing
And life just is what it is
So I’ve been told.
So I've been shown
It is what it is.

G - May 2009

Midnight

Midnight
In a world so alone
Thoughts
Only thoughts
Repeating in the head
Of a light that to the heart
Having once for the heart shone

It is one AM
All to be heard is the clock
Ticking
Only ticking
Like a drum ringing
Echoing on the wall
A woodpeckers pounding knock

Two AM
And there is no sound
Silence
Only silence
Except those voices
Voice that will not die
Silence without quiet to be found

On to three AM
Laboring just to breath
Gasping
Only gasping
Not even knowing why
Is there really a reason
In this world of living death

Four AM
Closing eyes brings but torment
Nightmares
Only nightmares
Of hopes that pass by
Of faiths that only die
And continue the ever deeper decent

Now passes five AM
The waited sleep still stays away
Silence
Only silence
Disturbed by the hearth
As it thunders in the dark
Nocturnal demons all you can obey

Six AM
World becomes live once more
Once more
Always once more
Enter that world an outcast
World that tossed you aside
If it ever lets you in to begin with
Until once more that silence
Of midnight
Starts into your mind bore


G - June 2009

Follow

Night stuns the sight
Awash with the gleam of stars
Far from thoughts of man
How it marks time with mars

Thunder peels its sound
Echoes through the canyon walls
Storm howls with quiet voice
With haunting voice at soul it calls

Torrent of water flows
As rain the feeds swollen river
Barrier against advance
Beneath the lunar waning sliver

A single bird calls warning
Claiming that path is not the way
But like so many others
It has never really had a say

For through all the view
Only one star calls spirit to motion
Be it folly or resolution
Residual deception of romantic notion

That route is the only road
Left that leads to destinations foretold
So that path life has dictated
Is followed by one with soul long sold.



G - June 2009

Paths

When is it time to leave a place?
How can one truly ever know?
When is it time to just move on
To not look back, to just go?

The list of reasons for me
To not be in this place is long
Most simple to sum them up:
I simply do not belong

Fast than the clock moves
My body grows old
While to those I love
Memories of me grow cold

Old before what should be time
But still this body trails my mind
It is failing now so quickly
The calendar is so unkind

A lifetime I have spent preparing
Always for the future distant
A future that never comes to be
Just more time fruitlessly spent

I put aside my wants and dreams
In favor of my responsibilities
Following other’s rules and wishes
Allowing to evaporate other possibilities

Always just one more year
One more hurdle to pass
Never turning a corner
Always more cares amass

Finally I shouted no more
I will not follow that way
It is not on me to only give
Without even having a say

I tried to shed responsibilities
That others burdened on me
Make choices for myself, by myself
One time have my own wishes to be

But those plans and fantasies
I allowed others to crush each one
Things I promised myself
Life made sure I would reach none

I have had enough of such things
I will not take any more
Those things are no longer mine
It is no longer my chore

I am old. I am tired
I do not want to start again
But I will no longer just sit and serve
Is that really such a sin

If it is, so be it
Because no longer am I life’s slave
I do not have much longer
And all I have to give, I gave

I said to many long ago
I stayed because I had something to do
I would try to answer the call
But what was the call I had no clue

I have since done some things
Help occasionally I’ve been able to give
And it has helped within me feel
I still had purpose in life to live

I cannot truly not though say
That I know I still have that call
I think I have reached the point
I may have now given my all

I may be wrong, in what I see
But the end of the path seems near
As I listen to the world around me
The song coming to me is not of fear

If I continue the way I have
It has only one path to follow
One without any draw for me
Just more of life’s pills to swallow

But now I can take a turn to the left
Or there is a fork that also leads right
I am not sure yet which I will take
Because their destination is not in sight

The one that is straight there is no doubt
That destination is much too clear
It only holds more of burden’s chains
Pain that pierce as deep as a spear

There are many places in life to be alone
Often filled with people all around
Places filled with the constant din of voices
Where your own throat cannot make a sound.

Never can one be so alone
As in a crowd that does not care
Considers you but in the way
Steals anything you try to share

I live in isolation and indifference
Lonely but never truly alone
With days passing by unnoticed
Unable to tell you if sun had shown

I would rather be by myself
As I try to find my way
Than pretend anything will change
As I try to keep despair at bay

What will find on that path
Where it leads is a mystery
But the other option is see:
Continue reliving painful history

I may meet friends I know only here
And in the recesses of my mind
I may once more end up regretting
The things I again leave behind

On that path there may be a river
Mountains, and a quiet lake
I don’t know what I want to find
Life will change with each step I take


G - May 2009