Heart Beat

Heart beats within the chest
It slows no longer fighting fate
Will failed long in the past
Always too little, always too late

A long time ago in a land far away
It was ordained that life would be
Locked in a way or the ill of man
In stone was written that destiny
Path was set with traps to snare
Choices set to temp along the way
In truth though all forks led the same
The only reward continued dismay

Heart beats within the chest
It slows no longer fighting fate
Will failed long in the past
Always too little, always too late

Heart of will gave up long ago
Soul given away was gladly taken
Mild broken from the beginning
Dreams all folly for the forsaken
While the carrot of happiness held
By the hand of persuasion aglow
So the clown would follow behind
In end all for the world a show

Heart beats within the chest
It slows no longer fighting fate
Will failed long in the past
Always too little, always too late

I have fought the fight
Long past any scrap of will
Continued on without hope
To promises I hold still
Every hope died long ago
Last faith past from sight
Forgotten when mind gave in
Finally body surrenders the fight

Heart beats within the chest
It slows no longer fighting fate
Will failed long in the past
Always too little, always too late




G - Sept 2009

Rope

Eventually the end of the rope is reached
After enough action that cannot be taken back
Once ever trust has finally been breached
And the will can no longer stand the attack

When is it not longer a crime
To give in, to finally surrender
From a life void of reason or rhyme
When wounds become too tender

I give up
I’ve paid my bill
My cup
Has had its fill

Time has passed for me to move on
There is no destination left to seek
Hope in this world is finish, is gone
No more can I be societies freak

Truly I have located the end of that rope
Without strength or will to climb up again
With it the finish of destinies faded hope
I surrender, no more, I give up, you win.


G - Sept 2009

Over Rated

Sleep brings dreams
Closed eyes bring tears
Multiplies truth
Fuels the fears

Rest the regenerate
Once again
Punctuated by memories
Of what could have been

The touch, the look
The sharing that would last
Only to be ripped away
Thrown away as the past

Sleep brings dreams
Closed eyes bring tears
Multiplies truth
Fuels the fears

Images of hopes
Should have been trues
Lost plans of tomorrows
Now filled only with blues

Sleep brings dreams
Closed eyes bring tears
Multiplies truth
Fuels the fears

Fate has all deserted
Paths lead to dead ends
Always the same results
All life ever sends

Amplified when eyes close
Peace should come with slumber
Not visions of tomorrow
More burdens to encumber

Sleep brings dreams
Closed eyes bring tears
Multiplies truth
Fuels the fears
Sleep that is over-rated


G - Sept 2009

Hydra's Head

Rat that steals in the night
Defiling that which is not his
Without invite it enters in
Plunders not to fill want, but greed

Closed doors want to keep out
Vermin for whom locks mean naught
Content even to spoil what is left
In contempt of what others need

Kill him, murder that intruder vile
Snuff the life from that soulless thief
But the space will simply be filled
With two more of his demon seed

Snake that coils in hidden gloom
Poised to strike without alarm
To claim the prize that others earn
While biting at their exposed flanks

Spreading poison to unsuspecting foe
Naïve ambushed while unaware of plight
Believing even that viper were friends
Thus losing earned reward and thanks

Bringing down the blade to serpent
Does less than even stem the tide
Dispatch gives license upon more rats
And eager asps form up in ranks

Demons attack the mind in the dark
Grown bolder yet group for light of day
Rip at flesh, and thought, the very soul
Feasting on shards that remain of the heart

Stroke of blade and fell hammer blow
Can easily fall any one misbegotten
Ever though it seems as foretold
Two step in to play the fallen’s part

Rodents of life multiply without restraint
Snakes seem up to split at each stoke
As heads on the hydra of immortal dread
Feeding on the misery they wantonly impart.


G - Sept 2009

Memories

Memories
Should be forever
Burned in
Memories forever

The face of one known so long
A friend
So loved
Lives so intertwined
But it fades from your mind
Is lost
Is gone
To that face your eyes grow blind

Memories
Should be forever
Burned in
Memories forever

Voice that soothed your ears at night
Dried tears
Erased fears
Brought peace of lullaby
But that voice is fades from ears
Mere echoes
A whisper
Drowning in the din of too many years

The brush of lover’s gentle caress
So light
Such care
Bringing substance of fantasy
Till left alone with fading thoughts
Of promises
Of dreams
As fate denies loves ecstasy

Memories
Should be forever
Burned in
Memories forever

Eyes that carry their glimpses
Into the soul
Into the heart
Into the hold of pillowed silk
Visions of those eyes slowly dim
Their glow
Their life
Melts as sight clouds of milk

Memories of a future know as fate
Dreams
Hopes
Future written in stone
Crumble to dust and sand
Lost
Before fulfilled
Without even chance to atone.

Memories
Should be forever
Burned in
Memories forever



G - Sept 2009

My Angels

My angels that I miss so
Each came to me unexpected
Each with the thoughts of forever
To each my meeting was directed

My angels that I miss so
Into my mind and into my soul
My heart they could read
Of my thoughts each stole

A lover, long destined to meet
Since childhood I knew those eyes
But others pulled stings outside
Turning pure truths into lies

Saving hands others reached out
Pulling my from deep dark hole
But my friendship is seems
To maintain took too must a toll

I’ve lost each angel from my side
So I now often visit the abyss
The gift I believed to see the soul
Seem is more of a curse parti pris

So once more I trek only alone
Without an idea of direction to go
For I seem to have driven away
My angels that I miss so.


G - Sept 2009

My Cuz, My Friend

Goose is lonely
In a world left vacant
By actions of choice
Without chance of recant

Without the love
That he willingly spread
He expected return
Discarded instead

The help once given
Was simply then gone
Repeated again
Like the words in song

Understanding and care
Actions her shared
To those he trusted
Also cared

Again, and again
He repeats the refrain
With a common result
Actions simply vain

A lone voice helps
Truly keep him around
A long separated friend
Who cares for his sound

And he thanks her
Though she denies the fact
Just how much if means
They are back in contact


G - Sept 2009

Solitude Denied

Meditation in the sun
Absorbed in the light of day
Nude to the world
As first entered the fray

To Hell with the norms
That are force on man
By self appointed arbiters
With iron fisted hands

Disdain to the rules
Self righteous enforcement
Of their of petty comfort
By amuletted reinforcement

But all attempt of solitude
Met with defiance on every side
As world around you burns
Through efforts to hide

Fire burns the beauty
Smoke choking thought
Bringing fey solace
To the peace sought

Flame without purpose
Relentless to spread
Burning tree and reality
As life leaves the heart dear

Just one more hammer blow
To attempts to be free
Anvil applied once more
By destiny’s decree.



G - Sept 2009

End Of Times

Much as the soul
Plans of what seem long ago
Ripped from the heart
Left noting to show

No dreams were remains
Left only is reality
Destined it seemed
No longer they see

Left only are seemed
Promises to never bend
Now praying for time
Would finally end

The price to pay
Was always understood
And still not sure what
He would change if he could

Still at times he will pray
That he were not alive
The promised last breath
Would finally arrive

But still he will not
Break his love vow
Promise to never give up
To reality as seen now

So alone he sets
Forgotten with time
No real hope
Convicted of crime



G - Sept 2009

Recurring theme

You chose the course
Long you had forced to ignore
Finally gave in because
From live you wanted more

You could make this work
While anticipating the pain
For it help the worth
In what both could gain

Then as always your fate
Life forced to towards wrong
And being once more
Became a dirge of a song

This time destruction was worse
At the dismantling of life
Each attempt to recover
Only brought suffering rife

As always it seemed
Dreams were beaten once more
This time none anew
Replace as before.


G - Sept 2009

This Time

This time, I know
I bear not wrong
But still from me
Is ripped life’s song

Truth of destiny
Crushed without belief
Never is found
The sought relief

Fractured and lost
In a world without fair
It was not part of the plan
To have nothing to share

Even sanity
Now ripped away
Once more no chance
To have any say

Friendship was sought
More was found
This time he would not
Let more steal the sound

But still things were done
Experience said don’t do
But friends in his mind
Must try to come through

This time he did again
What he knew to be right
For always his care
Demanded help for the fight

All he could, he did
Always will for more
But still in the end
Ended with slammed door

Usefulness used in the end
Without warning or clash
Discarded as refuse
Thrown out with the trash

Noble intent to his mind
Seems it has not place
Only accepted for a time
Then thrown back in his face

Truth seems something
World does not regard
Or maybe truth is not
Understood by this bard.


G - Sept 2009

Snake

The snake chokes
On the mouse it ate
Unable to release
So resigns to fate

Despised by the world
Mourned by no one
Though it meant no harm
Never understood the shun

So unable to even
Crawl away and hide
His carcass picked clean
Sympathy denied


G - Sept 2009

I Remember

I remember
The first snow-lake of the fall
When I was still not
Three feet tall
How the wind cut at the skin
Sky stark streaked in gray
As winter’s chills begin
One lone flake swirled into sight
Toward a child’s waiting
Only for his delight

I remember
That birthday, when I was but turning one
I can still sometimes taste the cake
How that candle shone
I can still see who was there that night
Most are now gone in life
But not in my sight
I can still see the eyes of the one who loved me so
Can see that she knew how I felt at their words
Eyes showing hurt only she and I could know

I remember
When I first learned the hard lesson of having sight
What it meant to know events before others
To see before images met the light
Seeing with out the ability to do anything
Unable to stop or even to warn another
What the next day would bring
To see those I loved and I knew loved me
Be taken before their time had come
To be forced without logic to see

I remember
Seeing the eyes I was always destined to see
I saw them first when she was barely born
Just days later she showed herself to me
Staring at me from of a plastic doll’s eye
Blinking at be as stars in the night
Gleaming like jewels in the sky
Those eyes, always burned into my mind
Constant visits in my dreams at night
Reminding they were there to find


I remember
When I could no longer take the burden seeing
The past held more than enough pains load
To add events not yet brought to being
Somehow I brought those things to an end
No more would I see the hand of fate
In wait around life’s next bend
Until those eyes came back once more
In life this time, not just in my mind
Breaking the gates to my core

I remember
There was a time that I thought there was a plan
I remember
When my future was filled with dreams of tomorrows
I remember
Gates that were closed so I could not see those places
Filled with false hopes, overflowing with sorrows
I remember
So many things
What I can’t remember
Is how to forget




G - Sept 2009

Living In The Past

How does one avoid the past
When those events define who they are
How does one forget those things
Which clutch at the mind’s every mar

I choose not those things to see
I try to fill my thoughts with and other sight
Even when, for a while that works
I cannot even pretend to control the night

Go for days rejecting sleep
For a time that keeps away the voices, the sights
But after a time they simply gain
And have strength to punch through even day lights

I do not ask for these voices
Do you, or you
I do not want to hear the things they tell me
And what they say to do

Oh, but that too is imagination
Just ask the doctors, they will tell you
I just need to get over it
Find something else that I can do

I think tomorrow I will be
A fireman, yeah, that’s the life for me
That seems about as easy
As redefining all that my mind can see

Please, tell me how to stop them
These things I hear sounding in my head
It will change and get better
Or maybe everyone would better if I were dead

There, that window, jump on out
Don’t bother screaming, no one will hear
If you tell them it is coming
Maybe they will even so up to cheer

So please, yes please, won’t you tell me
How to stop this show
Tell me how to stop the things I’m forced to see
To stop believing what I know

This is such a fun life
The one-man clown show that I provide
A stage for monolithic fun
But I tire of the carnival freak trip I ride

Look at me, look at me
I will make you laugh, and will entertain
Then when you are done
Please pretend I was never there again

But your voices, those I will keep
And those words so easily forgotten they are for you
I will keep them always with me
To haunt me and visit always bleeding through

Please tell me, please help me understand
Where is the trick
To turn off the sounds, the visions, the thoughts
Only see the thing I pick.


G - Sept 2009

September Second

Two years ago today
A world was thrown away
By one who chose to hear
All that dreams could say

Two years ago so far away
Day broke through the night
World tilted axis askew
Creation finally made right

When years of fighting
Against a mind ill
With a world of pain
Through a broken will

Many years of struggle
Finally met with the reward
Of faithful search for truth
Struggles had pushed toward

Two years ago today
The clouds seemed to part
As souls took a path
Written on the heart

After months to share thoughts
Times crying and joining hands
Helping through crisis time
Minds join like melting bands

Finally fears were cast aside
Attempted escape their private hell
From imprisoned minds
Enslaving walls finally fell

Two years ago today
The entire world changed
All the past cast aside
The universe rearranged

Those that held as possession
Offering no help, only command
Forever forced to release control
Replaced by loving, caring hand

Together to approach the fight
Joined to tack on repair
With someone who understood
Someone who could care

Two years ago today
For the first time in life
Night spent arm in arm
As a man and wife

A union written in the stars
It seemed what was sought
The result of long searching
And all the battles fought

When tangled minds only see
Fantasies they themselves make
Only to be turned aside again
Till it is more than they can take

Two years ago today
Seemed the fulfillment
But delusional minds
Can see reality bent

Two years ago today
Bills were written that day
Charges against man and soul
Now the usual must pay

Two years ago tomorrow
The die was cast that set fate
When I allowed hope to win
And stepped through that gate

The steps of the solitary who believed
After years of dream failing by far
Believed that another also trusted
They could together reach that star

With truth he stated
That he meant never
Would not break that faith
Promised forever

Two years later life is sane
For every one, except one
One who chose to remain true
Follow promises to the end

Not even worthy of a goodbye
Showing again they are nothing
Their best efforts and truths
Silently on the world ring

So while others are able
To forget what was said
Pretend feelings were not real
Leave another for dead

One still cries themselves to sleep
On the rare occasion sleep is found
While images feed their sickness
And silence is their only sound

Two years later to the day
He wonders why he even rose
In a world that does not care
The little it even knows

Stripping off the last of the control
Events that set the final demons loose
Breaking what little was left his soul
Leaving not even the will to choose

Two years ago today
The outcome was known
The paths were discussed
But a tiny light shown

A trusting mind believed
That truth could one time win
Not recognizing he was already
Excluded from the decision

Unable to break his word
Unwilling to break his vow
He can only wait for time to end
And wish it were now

Two years later, to the day
For others it is just another day
While marking when he ended
To the real world, just another day

There are only a few
Two years later today
Who would be less happy
If he finally just went away

Two years ago to the day
It seems so very far away


G - Sept 2009