Living In The Past

How does one avoid the past
When those events define who they are
How does one forget those things
Which clutch at the mind’s every mar

I choose not those things to see
I try to fill my thoughts with and other sight
Even when, for a while that works
I cannot even pretend to control the night

Go for days rejecting sleep
For a time that keeps away the voices, the sights
But after a time they simply gain
And have strength to punch through even day lights

I do not ask for these voices
Do you, or you
I do not want to hear the things they tell me
And what they say to do

Oh, but that too is imagination
Just ask the doctors, they will tell you
I just need to get over it
Find something else that I can do

I think tomorrow I will be
A fireman, yeah, that’s the life for me
That seems about as easy
As redefining all that my mind can see

Please, tell me how to stop them
These things I hear sounding in my head
It will change and get better
Or maybe everyone would better if I were dead

There, that window, jump on out
Don’t bother screaming, no one will hear
If you tell them it is coming
Maybe they will even so up to cheer

So please, yes please, won’t you tell me
How to stop this show
Tell me how to stop the things I’m forced to see
To stop believing what I know

This is such a fun life
The one-man clown show that I provide
A stage for monolithic fun
But I tire of the carnival freak trip I ride

Look at me, look at me
I will make you laugh, and will entertain
Then when you are done
Please pretend I was never there again

But your voices, those I will keep
And those words so easily forgotten they are for you
I will keep them always with me
To haunt me and visit always bleeding through

Please tell me, please help me understand
Where is the trick
To turn off the sounds, the visions, the thoughts
Only see the thing I pick.


G - Sept 2009